tool is on tour again. yet again i find out late. yet again i’m not checking the box in my bucket list to assist to a tool gig. am i still waiting for the so-mystified new release? am i?
here’s the thing, tool represents great, good, bad and weird feelings of the past. in my mind, i don’t associate them with events, but with the intensity of love. the intensity of truth. the intensity of self-betrayal. it was a musical road to awakening. an asynchronous road to meditation. a 5/4 metronome tic-tic-toing my mind as i vicarously decoded… life?
anyways, it’s morning. shadows fill the day under a rainy sky. water’s everywhere. i try to keep my paws, and my thoughts, dry. as i walk the road less travelled (what a gip!) i remember to stay sober. yeah. sobriety is a boring road, but certaintly is leading me places i would’ve only dreamt about. if anything, i’m relieved to have left so much behind. so much past. so many ideas. so many people. so much of something and nothing. all behind. yeah. it is the futility of thought the one that makes us drunk. freedom is the path of leaving drunk-ness behind.
it’s morning. shadows describe reality through the curtains and windows. i block the light as i sit on an rented bed and my loose fingers type. that’s another thing with tool: unrestricted writing. the feeling of loosing up and write. just fucking write. open the blue box and let shit fly around in written words. i’ve been living a boring life and that’s just oh-key. no drama. no noise. no vigilant thoughts resembling the scary face of pain or the dirty paws of the past. only presence. only marching minutes eating life away, while i still may… wait up, do nothing but remind myself to be patient.
it’s morning. the gray sky and muted rain reminds me of scenes of former lovers. lovers you do more than fuck. lovers you learn to love. lovers you painfully leave. you see? the problem is never loving nor leaving. the real problem is attachment. the idea of perpetuity. the blatant-rebellious-stupid idea that we are immortal in this bodily expression. oh shoot! can we be more disgraceful in our ignorance? can we be so stupidly blind to actually believe this body holding us is, if anything, real? laughing living stock. applause. the illusion pours in cold laughs, and rain. we’re nothing but living human stock wandering the earth. displaying illusions of magnificence, while this body rots. this body stinks. this body becomes a fetish we learn to yearn. carrousel reality. twirl-up, twirl-down, twirl, twirl, twirl, until you throw up. or down? twirl once more and the pieces that once fit, fall.
“fear is the mind killer”
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